Anger...Yuck!

I’m going through a 12-session, 10-week course that is meant to be a healing journey. Quite honestly, the reason I’m attending this course is because I was hoping it would help me learn how to help other people who are in need of healing. After all, I’ve been on a healing journey for the past two years. God has helped me to overcome many of the hurts of my past. I’ve spilled my guts to close friends and relatives. I’ve cried until I thought I had no more tears. And I’ve been feeling pretty good lately. But now, it appears that I have some anger issues (doesn’t everyone). I’ve always viewed anger as a bad thing, a very strong emotion that can cause a lot of damage to relationships, which it does. So when I get angry, I try to get rid of it as quickly as possible, at all costs. I’m not talking about the irritations that cause me to yell at the kids, although I hate that, too. No, I’m talking about the blood-boiling anger that causes you to tremble from the inside, out. When I get that angry, I retreat, I shut-down, I refuse to talk and I withdraw into myself. I’m sure most people have been there, done that. Of course, the healthy thing to do after an episode like that would be to talk about it after I’ve calmed down, preferably with the person who is the focus of my anger. Unfortunately, unless someone pursues me, I usually just calm down and act like nothing happened. Not good, I’ve discovered. You can only swallow so much anger. After a while, you’ll vomit it up - usually all over someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Now I’ll get to my point in writing this. I think I’m mad at God. There, I’ve typed it. No lightening bolts yet! My brain says, “How can you be angry at your Creator, your LORD and Savior? That’s so wrong, so disrespectful, so ungrateful, and on and on.” So now I want to beat myself up because I’m ticked off at me! I don’t want to be angry at Him. What if He gets angry at me for being angry at Him? I don’t want anyone to be mad at me, especially God! But the signs are there. I can’t believe I haven’t noticed them before now. I’ve withdrawn from Him. I’ve ignored Him. I’ve even run from Him. I’ve been reading my Bible and praying out of a sense of obligation (it’s the right thing to do). How legalistic is that! So I think I’ll get off of here and try to do the healthy thing.

Ephesians 4:26-27 In your anger do not sin; do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.